Euro 2008 - One More

Germany is about to play against Austria in Euro 2008.

Loew and his players are talking in the dressing room. Loew says, “Have you heard boys? Austrians are bad. But, we have to play them, there is no other way…”

Jens Lehman says, “Let me make a suggestion. All of you go to a bar and I will play against them alone. What do you think?”

“Sounds sensible” says the team manager and all the players go to a bar, have beers and play billiards. After about an hour, Michael Ballack turns on the TV: Germany 1 (Lehmann, 10^th Minute) – Austria 0 shows the scoreboard.

Satisfied, the players return to their beers and billiards. After an hour, they want to see the final score. The score board shows Germany 1 (Lehmann, 10^th Minute) – Austria 1 (Sebastian Proedl, 89^th Minute)

“Damn”, cry the players and run back to the stadium, horrified.

There, they see Lehmann with his head buried in his hands.

“What the devil happened, Jens?”, shouts Loew.

“Sorry friends, the damned referee gave me a red card in the 11^th minute", whines Lehmann.

Euro 2008 Jokes

A man is sitting in a "house full" football stadium waiting for a Euro2008 match to start. He finds an empty seat next to him. He asks the man on the other side of the seat if he is waiting for someone.

He says, "No, that seat is for my wife. She recently died and this is the first time I am watching a match without her, since we got married"

The man is all sympathy. "Oh! I am sorry. But you could have brought some relative of yours to the match".

"But they are all attending the funeral"

*******

After a football match, a man asks the referee, "Do you have three seconds?"

The referee is obliging and says yes.

"Then, please tell me all you know about football"

*******

A black clad man knocks on the pearly gates. St Peter opens the gate and asks "Have you done anything wrong in your life?"

I am a football referee. In a match between England and Italy I gave a free kick to England from 11 meters and I was wrong"

"Hmmmmm, how long ago was that?"

"about 30 seconds ago"

*******

New school. New class. Teacher wants to break ice and asks students to say their name age and father's occupation.

I am Wolfgang, I am 11, my father is a mechanic

I am Heinrich, I am 12 and my father is a brick layer

I am John, I am 12, my father is a nude dancer in a bar.

The teacher is shocked and stops the exercise. At recess she asks the boy privately if what he said was true.

"No, Ma'm. I lied. But, my father is a player in the national football team of England. It was too embarrassing to say so."

*******

How could Greece win Euro2004?

They were too slow for human eyes.

*******

What does a Dutchman do after Holland wins Euro 2008?

Switches his play station off . . . . .

*******

Teacher: Tell me the names of three great men whose names start with B

Pupil: "Ballack, Basler, Beckenbauer!"

Teacher: Have you ever heard of Bach, Brecht or Brahms?

Pupil: I am not interested in substitutes

********

Two retired old men sit in front of the TV and wait for the match to start. One asks the other, "What match is on Today?"

"Austria - Hungary" answers the other. "Against?", the first man wants to know.

********

From Der Spiegel

PS: There are a couple of more jokes. I did not understand them. It is because of my German or poor knowledge of football - I hope - and not because of my poor sense of humour.