Taking a Peep . . .

In my last post, I had said that I had to appear for an examination, had to study for it and hence I was taking a 'sabbatical' from my blog.

The examination was supposed to be in November and it was never even announced. Enquiries with the authorities did not help much, as recently as last Monday.

I decided to take a break and do things that I had either not done or reduced to a minimum. Blog - none. Crosswords and Su Doku - minimum, etc.

Just now, I decided to write a post. So much, that I would have loved to write about, has happened. Obama wins. Anand retains his title. A hundred other interesting things worth writing about. It was hard not to.

Just before, starting my post, took a peek at the website and lo and behold! The examination has been announced! 29 Dec. 2008.

So, here I go again, back into the shell. See you in the new year!

Dasvidania, said Brinda and Amities, said Zbigniew, in their comments to my last post. Let me add "Do widzenia". Back to the drawing board, I mean, study table . .

Auf Wiedersehen

It sounds surprising to me that my last post is dated September 24.That was inspired by the fact that I came across the name of 'Getafix' in the Bangla version of Aserix - Etashetamix. It means a-mixture-of-this-and-that. I was fired and wrote down the names of many of the other characters for the Kannada version - if and when. But that was really not a post by my reckoning.

The post before that was from September 15. That was just a comment on a report. By that standard, I could make another post today. The Pope and The Archbishop of Canterbury find it fit to say good things about Karl Marx! The days of miracles (or of absurdities) are not over after all.

So, why have I not written any more posts?

Let me go off at a tangent. (For the unmathematically inclined, or mathematically uninclined: tangent is not a well tanned man!)

One day, I looked into Blogger.com to see if there is any blogger who shared my profession - at that time entered as Patent Searcher. None. I tried synonyms (a common trick in the patent searcher's bag of tricks) - IP analyst, novelty searcher, patent information specialist. None. Apparently there are very few (none, infact) fellow professional who are inclined to writing blogs. After all, an overwhelmingly large part of our workday is spent in reading and reading and writing seem to be two ends of a spectrum. Please do not ask me, "A spectrum of what?"

Now, at the age of 53, (Thank you, thank you, Today IS my birthday) I am preparing to pursue a new profession. Instead of reading patent lieterature, I am going to write them. I mean 'draft' them and prosecute them. (Apparently, my company thinks that one can indeed teach a new trick to an old dog)

The actual shift takes place on Jan 1, 2009. (My dear mother's birthday incidentally)

Now, it is not as simple as it sounds. I have to pass an examination, to be able to pursue my new profession, sooner or later, preferably sooner. That means I have to study. I have to study in a manner I am not used to. Remember text, and lots of it, verbatim. Do I hear groans?

So what does all this mean? I will not write blog posts for quite some time. I take a holiday. A busman's holiday, is the idiom I guess.

So, off I go, to my study table, to return later, after I have taken the next major step towards my assignment. Hopefully, with the good news that I have passed the exam.

Well I have my work cut out for a couple of years - study/learn patent drafting, under a mentor. I do hope that somewhere along the line, I come back to start writing again "for pleasure". I hope (am sure) I will have pleasure writing professionally too. No one has ever said "professional is professional and pleasure is pleasure, and never the twain shall meet"

So, until then, Bye, auf Widersehen, hasta mañana, varre, barteeni, accha, ami aaschi . . . .

Who on earth?

Can you identify them?

aascharyix OR aascharyasoochix
maastix OR maastikallix
mudkix OR mudiyix
gayix
kunnix OR naayix
mailigix OR koLkix
chaalix OR gaalimaadix
jaalienjaayix
aayurvedix OR vaidix
mukhyaamshix
tondrix
nidrix

These are now subject to copyright!

Darwin

The news that the Anglican church has apologised to Charles Darwin fascinated me.

Somehow, the image of the Church saying, "Sorry Charlie, old fruit!", a la Bertie Wooster passed in front of my mind's eye!

I am doubly honoured!

Some days ago, my friend, fellow blogger, friendly critic (of my posts) and post-publication-spellchecker and grammar-questioner Starry Eyed Shruti gave me this award. I am thrilled.

However, her bestowing the honour coincided with a slump in my blogging. I do hope that that slump is in the quantity and not the quality of my posts. I hasten to add that I am not claiming that my posts are of great/excellent/irreproachable quality. All I am saying is that it has not slumped from whatever quality I normally try to achieve.

The slump was such that I did not even properly acknowledge the award and "brag" about it in a post. So here I am. Thanks Shruti, I am honoured.

This morning I was told that I have been given this award, again! This time by Shruthi.

Are you wondering what this is all about? Look at the spelling. The second one has an 'h' extra. Now, how is that I described Shruti so variously and not Shruthi? Well, Shruthi is my niece, friend, cheerleader and guide, coach, teacher, problem-solver for my blogging.

Thanks again!

Now, how can I sign off without taking a dig at someone or the other? So here goes.

When I describe these two I was uncomfortable that I sounded like many public speakers who introduce someone on the stage with such superlatives that the subject of the praise could start wondering if someone else is being described by mistake. I am sure that Shruti and Shruthi (No reference to Thomson and Thomson intended) will surely recognise themselves without any problems.

Finally, the earlier recipients have all passed on the awards to others. My blog reading is limited. So, I do not pass it on to others. If I had received this award from someone else, I would have (without second thoughts and without a second's thought) given it to these two!

*** Links to the blogs of Shruti and Shruthi are in the list of links below my picture, at the beginning of my blog.

Car Pool

Here is an outfit that is doing excellent work to ease traffic congestion in Bangalore and also contributing towards a greener world.

I was a member from the early days of its inception. But, by the time I got a suitable car pool partner, my office was shifted and along with that move came the office bus. So I commute to the office by bus.

Do try this out and see if you can contribute too?

What is all this Indianness stuff anyhow?

I must admit that the title is inspired by the titles of the inimitable articles of the inimitable Bob Pease.

Flashback: The Aussies came, won some tournament, Sharad Power, I mean Pawar gives away the trophy, in their eagerness to get photographed with it, they ask the power that be, Pawar, to "move away mite". All hell breaks loose. Our senior, respected leader has been insulted. Aussies are boors. In India such things do not happen. Holier than thou attitude surfaces.

Shift to the present day. The coach of the Indian cricket team, is admonished that he should not give interviews. 24/7 "news" channels cry themselves hoarse about it.

Yes, such things happen in India. We invite a guy to make our team perform better. The land where "atithi dEvOBava" is said to be the credo, the news is made public. Would it be too difficult for the BCCI to quietly tell the coach not to do it such that the rest of the world is not even aware of it? "What the left hand does . . . " kind of thing.

PS: Here is a very ineresting article by Pease which is of general interest. If you are an electronics engineer you must explore his articles and some of them are pretty amazing.

Menu

As I looked at the menu in the canteen today, I decided to take the North Indian Thali. Ever eager to try new and exotic food, (I do not call myself a foodie though, more because I hate that neologism than because I am not one!), I was tempted by something called Palin rice that was on offer.

When I looked at the various dishes actually on offer, I was disappointed to find that there was nothing that could have matched that exotic name.

One of the colleagues at lunch offered an explanation that the new dish was named in honour of the "Running Mate" of the republican presidential hopeful, McCain, in the American presidential elections. (McCain, literally, means "the son of Cain" in scottish tradition. Does it mean that his name is really Enoch?) If that had occurred to me earlier, I would have avoided the stuff, as Republicans are not my bowl of rice, (that includes Condoleezza Rice), I mean, my cuppa' tea.

It, eventually, turned out that devil called typo (one more neologism) was at work. What was on offer was just plain Plain rice. How mundane!

(I have written so much parenthetically in this post! Ayyo! Even this!)

Action Oooops?

Looks familiar?

I posted a picture of a hoarding and commented on it. Now I see that it has been replaced! Cause and effect?

I would love to think so but, who knows?

Who cares? This is definitely better than the previous one.

Roll of Dishonour

Whenever I see bad advertisements with worse Kannada, I feel like starting a movement to rouse Kannadigas into some kind of action. Boycott that product or that company's products.

Apparently this does not work. I know of a case that did not work. The issue was far more serious than mauling of a language in advertisements. I refer to the Union Carbide and the Bhopal gas leak tragedy. Quite a few organisations tried to get people to boycott Union Carbide's products, the most visible of which was Eveready.

I am not surprised that it was a failure. As far as I know, that was the most powerful brand at that time and many small shops stocked no other brand. What a pity. I was committed to that boycott and adhered to it for years. Even today, when I buy batteries I look for other brands and if for some reason I buy Eveready, I feel guilty.

Now coming to the mauling of Kannada with impunity, and the recent trigger for writing about it now, was an ice cream advertisement from a company called GRB. It simply states, "Taste andre Taste". (Literally translated, it means: taste means taste, Well, what else can it mean? But what it means in idiomatic Kannada is that it is extremely tasty.)

Another trigger was the name of a restaurant written in Kannada. It is called Jhopdi. (For the denizens of Bengaluru: You can see this restaurant or at least its board in the same building as that of Hotel Chalukya) Below are pictures of how it has been written and how it should be.

The practice of using English words in "kannada" advertisements is not new. One of the worst trend setters was Spice - the cellular service provider. Their advertisement said, "simpallaagi sellyulaar aagi". Ughhhhh!

(Of course, Kannada is not the only language that they ruin. One of the earliest such murder I had seen was the appeal to the buyer to "unpeel" a packet of some biscuits. Unpeel? It is as difficult as filling toothpaste into a tube after having squeezed it out!)

Here is chance to make a roll of dishonour and rank them. Look out for mauling of Kannada and write to me and we will list them in descending order of the seriousness of the crime committed.

It could include examples like that abominable catch line of Radio Mirchi. Sakhat Hot Magaa. That line rewrites one of the definitions of democracy and uses it as a definition of itself: Of the morons, by the morons, for the morons?

Interpretation

I saw an advertisement for a purported news paper. "You deserve the best!", it declared.

My reaction was, "So, read The Hindu"?

Topsy Turvy

I got the following story by mail. I have made some small changes , for instance, removing the capitals from words like church and bar!

In a small town in America, a man decided to open a bar right opposite a church. The church and its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening, with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed, nevertheless. However, when it was almost complete and about to open in a few days, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and it was burnt to ground.

The church folk were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church authorities for $10 million on the grounds that the church, through its congregation &and prayers, was responsible for the destruction of his bar, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility and any connection between their prayers and the bar's fate. In support of their claim they referred to the Benson Study at Harvard that intercessionery prayer had no impact!

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented: "I don't know how I am going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church and its devotees that doesn't!"

This made me curious and I looked for references to the Benson study and found some contradictory web sites and also a post by "Stimulus" with the same story!

This story reminds me of a quote of Osho - "Acharya" Rajaneesh. - only the priest knows that there is no god!

Another friend tells me a story about a begger finding that the habitués of taverns are more munificent than the people coming out of places of worship! I will get that story from him again and post that too - later.

Olympic déjà vu

Here are my random, rambling thoughts on the Beijing Olympics:

China, the ‘best ever’ opening ceremony, Phelps owns the pool, Bolt runs a 9.69 sec 100 m – an astonishing world record, an Indian wins an individual gold, many firsts . .

Some things do not change, however; people crying that it is a national shame that a country of a billion people does not win anything more. As I write this, there is a distinct possibility that we win some medals in boxing.

But, what all of us who cry that it is a shame that we do not win medals in the international arena forget is that we have a lot more to be ashamed of and that they are the real reason for the ‘Olympic shame’.

The Netherlands recently overtook the US in the average heights of its populations. What has that got to do with medals in the Olympics? Everything! Sociologists think that the reason for this is the greater social equality in the Netherlands. It does not help that the US is one of the richest countries in the world because it has too many who are very poor. What matters is the social equality. That translates into the fact that the people in the NL have access to nutrition that allows them to grow to their full potential.

Does this translate into medals in the Olympics? May be, may be not. But it is clear that NL is a force to reckon with in football and hockey an has won seven medals. At the time of writing this it stands 21st in the medals tally. What is the big deal, you say? It has a population of about 18 million for chrissake! If India won medals at the same rate, it should have won some 350 medals in this Olympics, by now!

OK, is social equality all? Definitely not. There are factors such as tradition. Sporting tradition, I mean. This, to a large extent explains how terribly poor countries like Ethiopia can win golds. Note that they are in fields that hardly need equipment and facilities.

While watching the Olympics (alas only on TV) this time, I had enough proof for the lack of sporting tradition in India. (Incidentally, I watched the first week of this Olympics in a hospital room while keeping company to my son who had just then undergone “Kebab Osteotomy” on both his femurs. That is another long story.) The patient in the other bed in the room switched over to Kannada serials as soon as I left the room. The first opportunity I got I shifted to the Olympics and there it stayed for the rest of the stay.

The ticker tape news highlights provided some indicators to the lack of sporting tradition, apart from the ‘normal’ lack of attention to detail. Women’s Heptathlon was consistently spelt as Hepthatalon! Then there was the Artistic Gymnastics All-Around. I swear, I am not making this up. The person preparing that ticker had perhaps never heard of these two events until he was actually required to type it in.

Most of the time, the TV was in mute. When I did turn up the volume, I heard some interesting bits. For one commentator the name of a Thai boxer was too complex and throughout the four rounds referred to him as the Thai boxer. With his Indian pronunciation it sounded like ‘the Thigh boxer’. Another commentator somehow caught hold of ‘the Finnish player’. I have a suspicion that he does not know the name of the country – Finland! This kind of inaccuracies were not limited to Doordarshan. Aaj Tak kept talking about Fleps instead of Phelps!

The fact that one of the gold medallists in Swimming, Alain Bernard lives in a village with a population of 450 amazes me. In India, anyone living in a village with a population of 45,000 will find it practically impossible to gain access to a swimming pool.

Talking of sporting tradition reminds me of this incident. Some thirty odd years ago, I cycled from Mysore to Bangalore – a distance of 140 km. The reaction of an uncle and an aunt were – “Why? Weren’t there buses?” and “Your father let you go? I thought he was sane”, respectively. Says a lot does it not?

So, those optimists who dream that India will one day win medals by the bushels at the Olympics: Rejoice! The day is not far off. It will happen as soon as we have more social equality, have a better universal education and when we have developed a sporting tradition going back centuries . . . . .”

IIM-B Vs Wharton

A newspaper hoarding in Bangalore proclaims, "It is harder to get into IIM-B, than to get into Wharton".

This is not a tall claim even though the hoarding is.

But, every Bangalorean knows why it is harder to get into IIM-B.

Simply because it is on bannErghaTTa road.

What's it again?

In our canteen, the day's menu is posted on the canteen display board.

The names of dishes are spelt any which way the manager pleases. It is fun. We Indians know what each means (most of the time) whichever way it is spelt and our overseas colleagues don't know what they each means even if it is spelt correctly.

So it does really does not make a difference.

"bisi bELe bhaat" is a popular South Indian (actually Karnataka) dish . Literally, it means hot lentils rice. It is also called bisi bELe huLi anna - hot lentils sour rice. Of course huLi could also mean a dish which is called huLi - a thick lentils soup with vegetables.

Recently the identity of this delicious dish was revealed thus "bisi belle bath!"! on the board.

Sounds like a cannibal's favourite dish. Does it not?

The word bhaat is actually alien to Kannada. Perhaps Marathi for rice. This is appended to the names of other rice dishes too. "khaara bhaat" - hot (as in spicy) rice, kesari bhaat - saffron rice. Saffron here is not just the colour but the spice saffron. Interestingly, both these dishes could be have no rice in it but made of 'cream of wheat' or soji or rava.

The best is the dish called "rice bhaat". Rice rice!

Ooooops!!

One of the new series of hoardings dotting Bangalore. If he loves Bangalore, why is he doing what he appears to be doing?

Or, do I have a dirty mind?

I am surprised the admen did not feel the way I do. Or, don't they have a dirty mind?

Ooooops!

Stockiest? If you do not understand what it is talking about, look at the word in parenthesis for help!

Eclipse

Eclipses always seem to eclipse the good sense of people.

It was a pleasure to commute back from work today. In Bangalore! Thanks to the eclipse.

The city referred to as the High Tech city in a recent article I read, somehow retreats to the middle ages during eclipses.

Years ago, during a near total solar eclipse, there were apparently only two people on the roads of Ranchi, where I lived, at that time. One was, of course, yours truly and the other was his cook. Munna.

I had recently acquired an ability to speak Hindi and I used it effectively to brainwash Munna. He understood the concepts of eclipses explained to him with the help of a candle, a dark room, a lemon and an apple. I wish I could work my magic again . . . .

Come Again?

Thank God, I am not superstitious!

Auto - No Wisdom

After I wrote the two earlier posts on Auto wisdom I was looking for examples 'inane' or 'clever' (according to the perpetrator) ones and found the best (worst) today. Here it goes, with no comments:

Love is Rose
Rose is Red
Red is Danger



ugh!!!!!!!!!!

Courtesy

A few days ago, I returned home, walked in, pushed the wheelchair out to bring my son in. The road being small, I had to block a part of the road. Normally this would not be a problem. But that day there was a large vehicle (Innova?) parked on the other side of the road, a few meters away. This made it difficult for vehicles coming from either direction, almost impossible, to pass us. As soon as I opened the car door, a taxi came, stopped and waited silently. Since my son had not started getting onto the wheelchair, I closed the door shut and let the taxi pass. I was impressed.

Taxi drivers are notorious for their impatience and noisiness. But this one was silent. Great.

After I opened the door again and my son started getting on to the wheelchair, another taxi came. This one too stopped and waited silently. When I could, again, I closed the door and indicated to the driver that he could now pass. He smiled at me and passed. Ah! Good.

As I started pushing the wheelchair, a big car came towards us, honked impatiently, slowed down but moved past us, very close. Close enough to cause some anxiety.

Ah. Big guns, no time for the hoi polloi in an an (six year) old Maruti . . . ?

Heartening

I was about to get off the footpath but stopped because a heavily burdened Lambani woman was about to come in my way. After she passed, my path was blocked, again, by a small boy being led by the hand by a girl, behind the woman.

The urchin was being led by the hand by a 'modern girl' complete with faded denims, trainer shoes, a t-shirt covered by a denim jacket, complete with a back-pack like bag. The boy had a bedraggled teddy bear and a few other toys which had 'discarded' written all over them - invisibly but unmistakably. I wondered - since when did Lambani girls get this modern?

Finally I got off the foot path, crossed the road and stood on the other footpath waiting for my bus. When I looked across, the girl was walking back, having seen to it that the urchin was safe on the other side of the crossroads. On the distant footpath, a Lambani group was in the process of making their temporary home.

She stood in the bus stand as if she does this kind of thing every day . Perhaps she does. She caught the next bus that came.

Heartening. Heart warming.

sarigannaDa

A friend sent me this photograph with the comment that it was super.

For those who do not read Kannada, here are the transliteration and translation:

kAvEri nIru kuDiyuva munna kannaDa kali
karnATakada anna tinnuva modalu kannaDigara saMskriti kali

Before you drink Kaveri water, learn Kannada.
Before you eat "Kannada rice" (food from Karnataka) learn the culture of Karnataka.

The unfortunate part is that one can easily, and rightly I believe, find errors in the Kannada in the slogan itself.

It should have read:

kAvEriya nIrannu kuDiyuva munna kannaDavannu kali
karnATakada annava tinnuva modalu kannaDigara saMskritiyannu kali

Exercising poetic freedom, some parts could perhaps be dropped. Such parts are in italics above.

This opinion of mine is perhaps controversial. I am ready to let it go.

But below the solgan is a couplet which is just plain wrong. It reads:

Enu ninna ciMte
heLE nanna kAMte

what is your worry
do tell me dearie

The first word in the second line should read hELE, the capital E in the word symbolising the long vowel - like hey!

If we have such facility with and respect for our own language, what is the use of asking "outsiders" to learn our language and respect our culture?

There are many "kannaDa" advertisement hoardings written in English script! No one questions that and protests. That, to me, is sad . . .

Block

One enquired why my blog was dead. Another just ordered me to update my blog. One more told me that he was sick of seeing the same Auto Wisdom and 'pleaded' with me to put something new. Feels good that there are such people who are looking at my blog to see if there is anything new there.

I just went dry, like my eyes .

There was this top adviser to a past PM of India. He was very garrulous. He was talking non-stop to (not with) a visitor from abroad. The visitor apparently had enough and hinted to this VIP thus: "I see many boards all over India that say, "Talk Less, Work More . . . .".

Off went the protagonist of this story and lectured the hapless visitor about the need for such boards in India as we Indians are very talkative . . .. blah blah....

Like him, I am here just to say that I do not know why I have not blogged . . .

With these few words . . .

Auto Wisdom

One more piece of wisdom on the back of an autorickshaw. (see the earlier one)

For non Kannadigas:

If you go after a girl - sadness
If you go after an auto - dust

Regret

News: The descendants of Che regret that his image has been so grossly commercialised.

Obama's Colour

The German magazine Die Tageszeitung had this as a cover recently. All hell broke loose and the accusations ranged from "condescending" to "politically incorrect" to even "blatant racism" and "racial prejudice". The obvious allusion to Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beacher Stowe has caused a transatlantic row.

Some even suggested that the Germans should not indulge in humour. The last suggestion is also based on the preconceived notion that Germans are not good at humour! The one who suggested that seems to be unawate that he is being a racist himself.


I have not seen any reactions to this cartoon by Bruce MacKinnon but wonder if it is going to be on the same scale. I found it equally offensive (or inoffensive).

What says you?






PS: The picture of Die Tageszeitung is from Spiegel Online @ www.spiegel.de and the cartoon is from the site Artizans @ https://zone.artizans.com/

Obama and Osama

When I write about Obama Microsoft asks me if I meant Osama. Apparently Microsoft has not woken up to Obama yet.

PS on the Last Post

I said that I was going off to see the Nadal - Federer match. This post is to say that I am back. It was over that quickly.

"What a poor performance by Federer" or "What a great performance by Nadal"?

Being a great admirer of Fed, it is hard to admit that it was either both or just the latter. But the latter is nearer the truth I think.

Football Myths - De-mystified

Football fever gripping the world from remote (to me, in India) Europe, a lot of stuff has been written about football. The more arcane of them that I came across was a scientific / statistical look at football myths. Let me admit, the claim that there are so many myths itself sounded like a myth to me. Let me list some of them and then the findings of scientists.

1. Football is chancy
2. A game lasts 90 minutes
3. One fouled against should not take the free kick
4. A goal just before half time is more important than one at the beginning
5. The danger of a goal against a team increases immediately after a goal by that team
6. A new trainer brings more wins
7. 40 percent of all goals are accidental
8. The goal keeper can manipulate the shooter from 11 meters
9. A team in a red jersey wins more often
10. Ball shot with a swerve defeats the mind
11. The team playing at home has an advantage

1. Eli Ben-Naim of the Los Alomos National Laboratory analysed the scores of 300,000 games, including 43,000 from the British Premier League, and found that a surprising 45% of the time the team considered to be the underdog won. So the ‘myth’ is not a myth but reality!
2. False! Sports scientists from the Augsburg University analysed the games from the finals of the 2006 World championships and found that the ball is in play, allowed by the referee, on an average for 55 minutes a game. Just the average 39 free kicks per match takes away about 14 minutes.
3. False! On an average when the player fouled against converted 73% of the time and others 75%. This difference is statistically insignificant.
4. False again. A goal just before half time had no significant influence on the course of the game. This was the result of the analysis from the games of the British Premier League done by Peter Ayton from the City University London
5. False too. The theory is that the while the team is still celebrating a goal there is a goal against them. This was also analysed by Ayton and found that there is no basis for this belief.
6. David Forrest from the English University of Salford put under the lens, the change of coaches in Argentina. No, new brooms do not sweep better.
7. Pre-game predictions are like weather forecasts say the scientists. Weather forecasts have a better chance of being correct than football game prognosis! 40% of all goals are accidental or happen by chance.
8. If a goal keeper stands 6 – 10 cm to the left of the centre point between the goal posts, the shooter is 60% more likely to shoot to the right. If the goal keeper stands to one side, obviously, the shooter may see through it.
9. Juergen Klinsman prefers red shirts. But it has no influence on the game! The percentage of teams having the following colours is: White 29%, Red 23%, Blue 21%, Red-White 9%, etc. The scientists could not, however, find a relationship between team colours and wins.
10. A ball shot with a spin travels in a straight line for some time and suddenly swerves as if pulled by a rubber band. When a ball spins on its own axis it experiences the influence of the air around it and is described by the ‘Magnus Effect’. Scientists conducted simulated experiments with trained footballers and found that a goal keeper could not predict the path of the ball correctly.
11. There is no such thing as home advantage, at least in football, found statistician Eva Heinrichs of the University of Dortmund. It apparently played a role in the seventies and eighties. She found that less than half of all matches were won by the home team. The statistician ascribes this to the generally lower goals per match in recent times compared to the seventies and eighties.

If this is the case for football what is the fate of cricket? The pundits use the cliché the “glorious uncertainties” of the game and still go right ahead and predict what happens to matches!!

In any case, I am off to watch Nadal Vs FedEx. I predict that Federer will win. Call me a fool? Man live by hope alone.

Euro 2008 - One More

Germany is about to play against Austria in Euro 2008.

Loew and his players are talking in the dressing room. Loew says, “Have you heard boys? Austrians are bad. But, we have to play them, there is no other way…”

Jens Lehman says, “Let me make a suggestion. All of you go to a bar and I will play against them alone. What do you think?”

“Sounds sensible” says the team manager and all the players go to a bar, have beers and play billiards. After about an hour, Michael Ballack turns on the TV: Germany 1 (Lehmann, 10^th Minute) – Austria 0 shows the scoreboard.

Satisfied, the players return to their beers and billiards. After an hour, they want to see the final score. The score board shows Germany 1 (Lehmann, 10^th Minute) – Austria 1 (Sebastian Proedl, 89^th Minute)

“Damn”, cry the players and run back to the stadium, horrified.

There, they see Lehmann with his head buried in his hands.

“What the devil happened, Jens?”, shouts Loew.

“Sorry friends, the damned referee gave me a red card in the 11^th minute", whines Lehmann.

Euro 2008 Jokes

A man is sitting in a "house full" football stadium waiting for a Euro2008 match to start. He finds an empty seat next to him. He asks the man on the other side of the seat if he is waiting for someone.

He says, "No, that seat is for my wife. She recently died and this is the first time I am watching a match without her, since we got married"

The man is all sympathy. "Oh! I am sorry. But you could have brought some relative of yours to the match".

"But they are all attending the funeral"

*******

After a football match, a man asks the referee, "Do you have three seconds?"

The referee is obliging and says yes.

"Then, please tell me all you know about football"

*******

A black clad man knocks on the pearly gates. St Peter opens the gate and asks "Have you done anything wrong in your life?"

I am a football referee. In a match between England and Italy I gave a free kick to England from 11 meters and I was wrong"

"Hmmmmm, how long ago was that?"

"about 30 seconds ago"

*******

New school. New class. Teacher wants to break ice and asks students to say their name age and father's occupation.

I am Wolfgang, I am 11, my father is a mechanic

I am Heinrich, I am 12 and my father is a brick layer

I am John, I am 12, my father is a nude dancer in a bar.

The teacher is shocked and stops the exercise. At recess she asks the boy privately if what he said was true.

"No, Ma'm. I lied. But, my father is a player in the national football team of England. It was too embarrassing to say so."

*******

How could Greece win Euro2004?

They were too slow for human eyes.

*******

What does a Dutchman do after Holland wins Euro 2008?

Switches his play station off . . . . .

*******

Teacher: Tell me the names of three great men whose names start with B

Pupil: "Ballack, Basler, Beckenbauer!"

Teacher: Have you ever heard of Bach, Brecht or Brahms?

Pupil: I am not interested in substitutes

********

Two retired old men sit in front of the TV and wait for the match to start. One asks the other, "What match is on Today?"

"Austria - Hungary" answers the other. "Against?", the first man wants to know.

********

From Der Spiegel

PS: There are a couple of more jokes. I did not understand them. It is because of my German or poor knowledge of football - I hope - and not because of my poor sense of humour.

Max Planck

The year 1900 is the watershed between what are known as classical Physics and modern Physics – not because it makes the transition from the 19^th century to the 20^th century, but because it saw the birth of quantum theory which changed the character Physics. The author of that path breaking theory was Max Planck who was born exactly a century and a half ago, on April 23, 1858 in the city of Kiel in northern Germany. Planck studied in the University of Berlin under Helmholtz, Clausius and Kirchoff and got his doctorate in 1879. After teaching in Munich and Kiel universities or some time, he replaced his teacher, Kirchoff, as professor of Physics in Berlin University when the latter died in 1889.

The quantum theory concerns the nature of light, a topic hotly debated in the 17^th century. Newton held that light is a stream of corpuscles (tiny particles) whereas his contemporary, Christian Huygens said that it is a sort of wave, As years rolled by, overwhelming evidence in favour of the latter view got accumulated – notably the phenomena of diffraction and interference, characteristics of wave motion – and, as a result, the wave theory was more or less accepted.

It came to be understood that light consists of electromagnetic waves, waves made up of oscillating electric and magnetic waves and travelling with a speed of about 300,000 kilometers per second. Coloured lights, found in the spectrum of white light, are electromagnetic radiations having different wave lengths varying from 3800 angstroms (an angstrom is ten billionth of a meter) at the violet end of the spectrum to 7200 angstroms at the red end. Consequently they have different frequencies (number of oscillations per second) which can be got by dividing the velocity of light by the wave length. The visible part of the spectrum is skirted on either side by the ultraviolet and infrared radiations.

Planck got interested in the problem of the black body, one that absorbs light of all frequencies and so, when heated, emits all frequencies of light. But, it does not emit them equally. No one, at that time, could explain why the black body radiates different frequencies in the way it does. Planck, however, managed to arrive at an equation which accurately described the distribution of frequencies in the blackbody radiation. But his equation was based on a seemingly untenable assumption that radiant energy does not flow continuously, but does so in packets o energy which he called quanta (plural of quantum). It looked as though he was bringing Newton’s corpuscular theory from the back door. But it was not so. For, he had not rejected the wave theory, but had established a link with it. He had assumed that the amount of energy in the quantum is proportional to the frequency of the radiation.

Energy of the quantum = h X frequency

The constant h is now known as Planck’s constant. Since some phenomena like diffraction are explained by the wave theory and others, like black body radiation, are explained by the quantum theory, the two theories are not mutually exclusive, but are complementary.

The theory was so revolutionary that it was not accepted by physicists immediately. Planck himself half-suspected that it might be a mathematical trick and may not represent anything real. But, in 1905, Einstein used the theory to explain the photoelectric effect, emission of electrons by some metals when light falls on them. It cannot be explained by the wave theory. Niels Bohr, in 1913, used it to describe the atomic structure and explain a great deal which cannot be explained by classical physics. By 1918 the quantum theory had become so important that it fetched the Nobel Prize for its author. Einstein and Bohr were awarded that prize in 1921 and 1922 for applying the theory fruitfully.

In 1930, Planck was made the president of the Kaiser Wilhelm Society which was later renamed Max Planck Society. Although Planck was already in his seventies during the rise of Hitler in Germany, he resisted it. He sought to intercede on behalf of the persecuted Jewish scientists and, as a result, had to step down from the presidentship of the Max Planck Society. But, in the world of science, the veneration accorded to him was next only to that accorded to Einstein.

During the second world war, his house was destroyed by allied bombings; his older son was killed in action and the younger one was accused of plotting against Hitler and was executed. Planck lived into his ninetieth year to see Nazism destroyed. He was renamed president of the Max Planck Society and spent the last two years loved and respected. He died in October 3,1947.

* * * * *

My father, J R Lakshmana Rao, wrote this for publication on Max Plank's 150th birthday on April 23. For various reasons it did not see the light of day. I decided to post it here.

Picture: Courtesy Wikipedia

Stony Silence

Doesn't the Stone - Karma affair (no, Karma is not a man and Sharon Stone is not having an affair with him) make you wish that she, and others like her, maintain a stony silence?

It is said that it is better to keep your mouth shut and let others wonder if you are an idiot than open it and leave no doubts.

Perhaps no one told Stone about it.

Are you wondering if it would have been better, for me, if I myself had taken heed of that adage and not written this post?

25 May 2008

The Tendulkar

I posted a tribute to Vijay Tendulkar in Peripatetica, instead of here, by mistake.

Decided to provide a link here.

http://peripatetix.blogspot.com/2008/05/tendulkar.html

RC

RC meant Resistor-Capacitor, for a long time. RC coupled amp kind of thing.

Later some spirited friends who did not know any electronics were talking about RC and I found that it stood for Rum and Cola.

In recent times it has been Bangalore RC. Royal Challengers. (The self styled defenders of all things Karnataka and Kannda and Kannadigas do not seem to have realised that it is not Bengaluru Royal Challengers! Too caught up gaping at the over hyped, under clad cheerleaders I suppose?)

It is another matter that they looked Royally Challenged and did pathetically in IPL.

Is it time to think of other names to follow Bangalore or Bengaluru?

When I see drivers and riders take a right turn on the roads of Bangalore, I feel that they are drifting. Not taking a turn at all. Will Bangalore drifters be a good alternative.

The most common sound that you hear on the roads of Bangalore is toot toot. The most common sound pattern for honking. Reminds me of the Road Runner cartoons. Could Bangalore Road Runners be a good name?

Or, should that be Bangalore Popeyes. Popeye's pipe also seems to make a similar sound but sounds more like a sounds made foghorns of ships.

Heard in Passing

A Kannada newspaper has published today a photograph of Mallikarjun Kharge drinking water. The caption said that he was campaigning constantly, it was hot, he was thirsty and he was drinking water.

An old man, reading the paper commented in the local patois, "What kind of reporting is this? Do you call this news? One of these days they will publish a photograph and say that this man was campaigning continuously. He did not have the time to have a bath. On the fourth day it started itching all over. He is scratching himself."

No. I have not bowdlerised the comment. He did not mention unmentionable body parts.

Are the news paper men listening?

Einstein and Religion III

After I wrote Einsten and Religion I wrote Einstein and Religion II. Recently there was a report on the auctioning of Einstein's letter to Gutkind in which he expresses more clearly what he felt about the subject. Here is an abridged version of the letter.

Einstein has expressed himself far more unambiguously here.

People on both sides of the religious fence seem to cite Einstein's apparently contradictory expressions in support of their arguments.

Both seem to be saying 'the great Einstein himself has said...' .

It is a fundamental tenet of scientific method that who has supported a certain theory has no bearing on the 'correctness' or otherwise of it. Applying this principle, what Einstein has said about religion or god is no conclusive evidence.

Einstein famously said, "god does not play dice". Niels Bohr is supposed to have retorted that Einstein should not tell god what he should or should not do. In the end, it turned out that god indeed played dice at least in the context of Quantum Mechanics. So much for Einstein's opinion on the subject.

A Land Where Women are Worshipped?

In the queue to buy some lunch. A news channel near the counter. Interview with people. Their opinion about introduction of sex education in schools.

Opinions: This is against our culture. This is a country where women are worshipped. Blah Blah.

Arrrrrrrrrgh, Puhleeeez, spare me the blushes.

Yes! This is a country where women are worshipped. That is why some 50,000 Nepali women migrate to India every year so that they can get worshipped in the brothels of India?

Perhaps a larger number of our own women are enslaved in brothels for the same reason?

Is that why we still have 'bettale seve' (nude worship) where women parade naked around some temples?

Is that why we still have devadasis?

Is that why we have honour killings? If a woman falls from the pedestal we claim to have placed her on, she is worth killing to save the non-existent honour of the so called family?

Is that why we have the second highest incidence of female foeticide in the world?

Is rape a form of worship too? Because all that rape raises nowadays are the headlines in papers and nothing more?

Is that why, when we curse a man, we call his mother names?

Is that why we do not want to even allow the introduction of womens' bill? Parliament is for humans and not for worship-worthy god(desse)s?

Do You Happen to Know Her?

Select Book House is a landmark in Bangalore in its own right. To describe it is like trying to describe something. It can never match the real experience. If you like books, your next pilgrimage destination is made.

The owner, Mr. Murthy, has a phenomenal memory about books and the people connected with each.

I once went to Select and asked for Leopald Infeld's autobiographical work - 'Quest'.

Mr. Murthy's face lit up. In his slow, clearly pronounced and well strung words, he said, "This is interesting. A few months ago a lady came here and asked for the same book, specifically. She is a lecturer of Physics in abc college. Her name is xyz. Do you happen to know her, by any chance?"

I said that I indeed knew her.

"Oh, how interesting. How do you know her?"

She is my sister.

Electrical Anecdotes

I added a new link to the links list on my Blog. Electrical Anecdotes. It is not (only) because I have contributed to that Blog.

It is a very interesting moderated Blog that needs to grow but does not grow fast enough.

Here is an invitation to all ye who can contribute.

I had even cajoled a few friends who have shared their interesting stories with me. They promised to write too but have not.

I am tempted to write on their behalf but I am sure I will miss some interesting detail that only they know.

I hope that this small note adds at least a few more to that Blog.

Poor Humorists

Art Buchwald was once asked if it was not difficult being a humorist. He said “Not at all. Not when the whole government is working for you.”

I am certain that he would have found it difficult in America during the last decade. You can’t caricature cartoons, can you?

What do you say when Bush says that the rise in food prices (I was about to type it as price Rice…) is because Indians have started eating better and the rise in petrol prices is because the Chinese and Indians have started driving cars? Even Art would have become tongue-tied at this brilliance, don’t you think?

How insensitive of those slit eyes and we brown skins! Can’t we have just one meal a day and walk or ride bicycles as we are expected to? Damn nuisances, these bloody natives. No?

It is the God given right of the British to waste food worth £10 billion a year.

It is the God given right of the Yanks to grow the fattest backsides in the world (If you do not believe me, just listen to Jay Leno talk expansively about the subject) on junk food.

Coincidence

A: Hi Kitty¹, heard that you are getting married. Congratulations! Who is the lucky girl?

K: Yes. Thanks. Her name is Radha.

A: I understand why you were searching for a house so desperately! Did you get anything good?

K: Yes, I did, in Gokulam²

A: Where in Gokulam?

K: Do you know that new apartment complex called Dwaraka? A first floor apartment

A: My goodness! What a set of coincidences!!

K: What coincidence?

* * *

1. Diminutive for Krishnamurthy

2. A suburb of Mysore

Ragi mudde

I read this post on raagi mudde and posted a comment too. My thoughts about this subject raced. Among the comments was snippetsnscribbles slurping about raagi mudde with chicken saaru. I decided to write more about this on my own. I hope I have not committed any breach of blog etiquette. If I have, I hope I am excused.

Shruthi's list of things that go well with raagi mudde is fairly limited. Most of our experiences are limited by what Amma makes. What Amma makes depends, among other things, on her tastes, what her Amma made, her caste and class of society she comes from.

A friend of mine, a connoisseur of food (and classical music, not necessarily in the same order) once took me to a special place to savour raagi mudde with matan chaapees (Mutton chops). This is a special place called Jai Bhuvaneswari Hindu Miltry Hotel.

(Many restaurants in Karnataka that serve meat and fish call themselves Miltry - military - hotels. The Hindu part is not that it does not serve food to others. It could either mean that it is run by a Hindu or that the meat is Jhatka and not Halaal. Jhatka is the method of killing an animal, for meat, in which its head is severed in one stroke. Halaal is where the neck is cut and at the end there is a small strip of skin left attaching the head to the rest of the body. This is the recommended method of killing for mulsims)

Coming back to Jai Bhuvaneswari, you can spot it on the road from Bangalore to Mysore. Just before you reach Sriranagapatna there is a bridge. Before reaching the bridge there is a sharp turn to the left. You find JB there, to your left, just before the left turn. (I decry this method of giving directions. If you are traveling on that road for the first time, how do you know when you reach the bridge?. So let me try again.)

While on the way to Mysore, after you have passed Mandya and travelled about 20 kms, you reach a small bridge. As you approach the Bridge, you see a board to your left directing towards Karighatta. (That is a lovely place. You should see it) Pass the bridge and the road takes a right turn. Then you enter Kirangur. There is a row of shops to your left starting with a petrol bunk. After this row of shops, you find a pretty ordinary looking house with Mangalore tiles and a board announcing JB.

This place is famous for raagi mudde with various side dishes. What happened when I was sitting there and enjoying the food is indication of its fame.

A white, chauffeur driven [1] Contessa stopped in front of the place. The chauffeur waved, asking someone from the restaurant to go there. Someone did. The person sitting inside, whom we could not see, gave some "tiffin carriers" and orders for some food. The waiter brought the carriers in and announced what the orders were. It did contain raagi mudde and some side dishes.

Then, one of the owners who was serving us, as we were a rare occurrence - city bred educateds (that is what college educated people are called by many) - proudly told us who the customer in the Contessa was. "Do you know who that is? It is Arundhati Nag, Shankar Nag's wife. He and some friends are staying in Lalit Mahal Palace Hotel. But they want the food from here! Whenever they come to Mysore they come here for food" (Yaar gotta saa adu? Arundti Naagu saa. Sankar naagavrendti. Avrella laltmahal Otlallavre saa. Aadre avrigoota illindle bEku saa. . . ."

Wow. . . .