A man is sitting in a "house full" football stadium waiting for a Euro2008 match to start. He finds an empty seat next to him. He asks the man on the other side of the seat if he is waiting for someone.
He says, "No, that seat is for my wife. She recently died and this is the first time I am watching a match without her, since we got married"
The man is all sympathy. "Oh! I am sorry. But you could have brought some relative of yours to the match".
"But they are all attending the funeral"
After a football match, a man asks the referee, "Do you have three seconds?"
The referee is obliging and says yes.
"Then, please tell me all you know about football"
A black clad man knocks on the pearly gates. St Peter opens the gate and asks "Have you done anything wrong in your life?"
I am a football referee. In a match between
"Hmmmmm, how long ago was that?"
"about 30 seconds ago"
New school. New class. Teacher wants to break ice and asks students to say their name age and father's occupation.
I am Wolfgang, I am 11, my father is a mechanic
I am Heinrich, I am 12 and my father is a brick layer
I am John, I am 12, my father is a nude dancer in a bar.
The teacher is shocked and stops the exercise. At recess she asks the boy privately if what he said was true.
"No, Ma'm. I lied. But, my father is a player in the national football team of
They were too slow for human eyes.
What does a Dutchman do after
Switches his play station off . . . . .
Teacher: Tell me the names of three great men whose names start with B
Pupil: "Ballack, Basler, Beckenbauer!"
Teacher: Have you ever heard of Bach, Brecht or Brahms?
Pupil: I am not interested in substitutes
Two retired old men sit in front of the TV and wait for the match to start. One asks the other, "What match is on Today?"
From Der Spiegel
PS: There are a couple of more jokes. I did not understand them. It is because of my German or poor knowledge of football - I hope - and not because of my poor sense of humour.